Poisoned blade
by SlytherinElektra
Summary: After a travel to Midgard Thor returns home to learn that Loki had attempted suicide while he was gone. Warning: Sad!


It had been a long, perilous journey, the one Thor had lived on Earth that last time. Full of battles and villains and take-downs along his friends and allies. Midgard had become a sort of second home for the god of thunder, filled with familiar places, smiling faces and such good memories. The fights with the villains were less intense, too, now that he did not have any personal connections with them. He never held himself back, he didn' feel bad about going against them. He just enjoyed the battles like he had once, when he'd been a young prince. It was so much easier this way.

And Jane. He had spent an additional two weeks, this last occasion after the fights were over just to spend some time with her. She made him so happy sometimes he felt he was going to explode in little pieces. She brought light to every day, to every moment.

But it was high time he returned to Asgard. His duties as prince and heir called him and he also wanted to see his family. Narrate his many exploits to his friends, who he hadn't seen in too long now. Talk with his father again, embrace his mother. Not only he missed the people, but the land as well. He wanted to see the vast beautiful field again, gaze at the starry sky, walk through the chambers of the palace where he'd live so many joyous moments.

And he wanted to visit Loki, too. His cell was not a very cheerful place, but ever since the Allfather had allowed his brother's gag to be removed his visits had always been interesting. He could talk with Loki again (even if at first he had been reluctant), like he did when they were young, and Thor was always stimulated by his clever words. His brother always had an interesting take in things, even if their opinions differed. Thor enjoyed those conversations greatly. Not even the sharpest minds of Midgard could rival his brother's wit.

Thor also had to admit that he was a bit concerned for Loki. After some time, Loki's anger and rage had faded into quiet bitterness and resentment and lately not even that was present. The bitterness had become sadness and thinly veiled despair. It was as if someone had turned him off. He was still there, but his energy was gone, spent. There was an unspeakable melancholy in his eyes, a sad edge to his voice. He spent his days thrown in his cell, refusing the food more often than not. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it was just Loki regretting his actions. But he'd known Loki all his life and he had never seen him so gloomy. As the older brother he was, he worried.

But not in excess. As long as he was not starting wars there were other matters that caught his attention.

When he arrived he was greeted by the happy faces of his friends (Lady Sif and the warriors three, always ready to jest) and they exchanged stories and anecdotes over an enormous feast and much mead. After he had caught up with them Thor went to see the Allfather who bored him to no end with endless tasks of politics and diplomacy. He kept him for so long he didn't have any time to say hello to his mother and brother before he went to rest.

The next day he went to greet his mother first thing in the morning but he didn't find her in any of the places she usually went to. He could have asked someone about her whereabouts but decided to take the chance to visit Loki instead. He was incredibly shocked when he saw Loki's cell empty. There was a big blood stain where the bed used to be.

"Where is my brother?" Thor asked to one of the guards, alarmed.

The guards that remained there were not especially moved by whatever had happened.

"There was an incident." One of them said. "The prisoner was moved to the healing chambers."

The healing chambers? That and the blood stain formed an unpleasant picture in Thor's mind.

"Did somebody attack him? Nevermind, I will go and find out for myself." The god said, concerned.

Many thoughts crossed his head while he went to the healing rooms. Had Loki attacked someone and that someone had attacked back? He couldn't imagine anyone entering the cell and attacking Loki, and most of all he couldn't imagine his brother not fighting back. Maybe they had come at him during his sleep. No, he had told the guards to keep an eye on Loki so he was secure and not let any strangers in the cell. They wouldn't disobey his prince's orders. That couldn't be.

When he finally arrived to the healing chambers he was surprised to see the back of his mother's head, as she was sitting next to one of the sickbeds. So, this was the place where she'd been hiding! No wonder he hadn't been able to find her sooner.

"Mother, it is good to see you!" He said, loudly, and his mother turned her head. She smiled at Thor but her expression was sad. He never connected the fact that she was there and Loki as well. Until he saw the figure on the bed next to Frigga.

That made him stop in his tracks, all happiness erased from his memory.

Loki was as pale as death, purple bruises formed surrounding his eyes and mouth. He had lost a great deal of weight since the last time and his cheekbones protruded under the ghostly white skin. His eyes were closed. The arms were out of the sheets and Thor could see the both forearms were completely covered in bandages. He had left a brother and had come back to a corpse. A ghost. What bothered Thor more was the lack of movement of his brother. He was so still he looked already dead.

"What happened? Who did this to Loki?" He bellowed, one hand ready to call Mjolnir.

There was a look of pure grief in his mother's eyes but she was unable to find the right words.

"Answer me, mother! Who did this? Tell me they have been punished for it!"

Frigga looked at her sick son, wishing it was that easy and sighed. Thor softened his voice, seeing that it was a painful matter for his mother.

"Will you at least tell me what happened?"

As much as she dreaded to have to relive the story, Thor deserved to know the truth.

"Of course. Shortly after your depart, Loki tricked one of the guards into giving him a poisoned blade he kept in his room. Apparently, your brother promised the man to kill one of the other guards after a quarrel the two of them had had if he gave him this blade which he said would help him break free. But... Loki didn't use the knife to escape and kill the guard... he... he used it on himself. He cut both his forearms open in the hopes of bleeding out. The guards took their time to take him here because they suspected another trick. It was not. Even if the bleeding was stopped, the poison had already made its way through his body..."

Thor could not believe what he was hearing.

"He did that to himself?"

Frigga caressed Loki's cheek, softly, knowing that he didn't have much time left with him and then turned to Thor.

"But we should not concern you with matters that have no solution. You have yet to tell me about your journey to Midgard. Come on, dear, let us go somewhere else."

No, no, no. This was too much.

"What do you mean matters that have no solution? Surely you do not mean that there is no room recovery?"

Frigga took Thor's hand on her own.

"There is always hope and Loki has endured worse injuries... but the healers have already lost their faith. The poison on the blade was very rare, he was probably saving it for some foe and even if many antidotes have been given to him he hasn't reacted well to any of them. Some even worsened his condition. The healers say there is nothing they can do and that we should probably say our farewells..."

"How long has he been this way? You say, he injured shortly after I left... then, why did nobody tell me? You could have at least sent a raven!"

Thor said, furious. He couldn't think about how happy he'd been all those last weeks while his brother was in agony. While the healers decided it was hopeless. Maybe if he'd been there, wielding Mjolnir, things would have gone differently.

"I planned to tell you, dear, but your father thought it would distract you from your duties in Midgard. He said that the safety of a realm was more important than the fate of a prisoner."

Thor wanted to smash something. He felt a flash of pure rage coursing through him, mixed confusion. Why would Loki do such a thing?

"I am sorry you were not informed. I know how much you care for your brother, Thor but... It is such a delicate matter and... I left the handling to your father, his decisions are always wise, you know that. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him, since I am the only one he had left."

She gave a quick kiss to the still form in the bed and stood up.

"I know it is difficult for you. I will give you boys some time alone, all right? The last time he was awake he called your name, maybe hearing your voice may be good."

And so she left, leaving an angry Thor next to his brother's bed. There were so many things he didn't like about that situation. First of all, why would Loki, in possession of a blade use it to hurt himself and not others? One could think that it was a plan to be taken to the healing rooms and then escape, but he wouldn't have asked for the poisoned blade if that was the case. Why, Loki, why?

"How did we come to this, brother? You were just a mischievous smiling boy not so long ago and now I am being told that I should prepare for your funeral."

Loki was unresponsive, quiet as ever, his face a mask of white and purple.

"I must admit, I had tried to forget about you, deny your very existence. You were a dark point staining my past, a connection to the deeper evils. It was so much easier to act as if everything was all right. As if you were just any other prisoner, any other criminal. So much easier. Someone whose fate left me indifferent. But I should not have done that, try to ignore you. But I should have listened to my instincts when they told me you were in danger. I should have acted when I saw the melancholy taking over you. Maybe if I had been here when this happened I could have changed things, help you before you became this shadow. Loki? Loki! Answer me!"

But Thor was not only greeted with silence and with the faint echo of his own voice.

"This cannot be your end. I will find the antidote for your illness, I swear it on the norns that you will be cured. All will be well again."

One of the guards, who had been watching the scene from the door of the room, spoke.

"You should not concern yourself so, my prince. The passing of Loki is probably the best for the realm."

He probably meant well, but Thor did not take it well. In a matter of seconds he smashed Mjolnir into the man, leaving a guard-shaped hole in the floor.

Now that he was alone with his brother and that he had taken out some of his anger on the guard the sadness of the situation started to settle in. It wasn't only the graveness of Loki's condition, it was also the fact that he had inflicted that pain on himself. That he wanted to die. It made the situation much more painful for Thor. He could not imagine the pain one had to feel to see suicide as the best choice. To prefer poison and pain to living another day. It tore him apart.

"I wish I could ease your pain, brother, the way I did when we were younger and you had nightmares. Remember that time you got so terribly sick as a child? I don't remember being as afraid as I was that time. I cried for days to the Allfather, asking him to make you better, but you refused to recover. And then, one day I was in your room and you told me not to worry, that you would be all right. I stayed with you that night and shortly after that you got better. I was so proud because I felt like a healer, even if the only thing I had done was staying with you."

Thor's eyes started to water, despite his efforts.

Loki remained unmoving.

"You were the best brother I could have asked for... the best companion... Why did you have to spoil things for yourself this way? It has not brought recognition and it has certainly not made you any happier. You have always been so great, Loki, you did not need to kill and slash to prove that you were my equal."

Suddenly, as he looked at the figure in the bed the emotions and the memories he had suppressed for so long were flooding his mind. Loki getting him out of trouble, teaching him how to read ancient runes, disappearing in green mist. Loki with his shining green eyes. Having nightmares, learning to fight, smiling at him brightly.

"You were not my equal, brother," Thor tells the sick man, voice cracking. "you were so much more than that. You were brave and smart, there's no denying that, no matter how twisted you became. I was blind to you and your talents all those years, to how poorly treated you felt. I took you for granted, look down on you... and so did Asgard." He said, throwing an angry look to the remaining guards.

"But this... This is not a solution. I refuse to go to Valhalla without you and your wits. So fight, Loki, like you have done some times before. Fight against yourself if you have to. Just... do not leave like this."

He spent some minutes that then turned into hours, hoping for some reaction.

Nothing.

Loki remained motionless as ever, perfectly placed in the middle of his bed. The whiteness of his skin lost in the whiteness of the sheets. Eyes closed.

It was too much for Thor to bear.

Helpless, he let out a miserable scream.

This was not the comeback he had been expecting.

A/N: Did you like it? No? Please do review! I'm thinking of continuing this (Thor takes Loki to the Avengers to try and save him) but I have some stories right now...What can I do, Loki angst comes to me! Please leave a comment, tell me what you thought!

You know you want to review! ^^


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